Melt Your Headaches, Call It Home
by vapourtrailreads
Summary: If you never try, you'll never know. Drabble. Written for THC Round 6


A/N:

Thanks to 2D, Viola and Elaine for the help!

Title taken from Northern Downpour by Panic! At The Disco.

**Melt Your Headaches, Call It Home**

"Why?" hissed Narcissa, putting all the worry and confusion of the past weeks - oh, who was she kidding, the past months - into the word. Against her will, her hand shot out and closed around the sleeve of his robe, which went slightly past his wrist and was getting a little frayed at the edge.

Severus grimaced. "Remind me why I thought it was a good idea to tell you, _Narcissa,_" he snapped back, but surprisingly still managing to keep it quiet enough that nobody would hear.

Because if anyone else heard...

"Why?" she whispered, hand still encircling his wrist. "Why put yourself in such danger, Severus? You've never been one to take risks. Why are you doing it now?"

It was bad enough that Lucius had joined _him, _bad enough that he'd chosen to act on the aspect of wizarding doctrine that, unbeknownst to the majority, she despised the most.

And now she had one other person to worry about. Not that she didn't trust Severus, or Dumbledore - she knew that the old man would not be so unreasonable as to ask him to do anything unnecessarily dangerous - but she couldn't help feeling that the Dark Lord would be…

Well, suffice it to say that it would not be pleasant if he found out.

_If, not when,_ she told herself.

And it wasn't just about Severus. A shudder went through her at the thought of what the Dark Lord might do if he found out that one of his highest-ranking Death Eaters was a double agent for the Order of the Phoenix. What would he do to the family that he was known to be the closest to? What would he do to _Draco? _

In the end, what was the point of trying, really?

A thin, bleak smile twisted Severus's lips, and she knew with a sinking feeling that anything she tried to say would not move him now.

"She said something to me once," he said, a faraway look in his hollow black eyes, and Narcissa wondered vaguely for a moment who _she_ was. "If you never try, you'll never know." He looked up at her, faint desperation glinting in his gaze. "Keep this to yourself, Narcissa. Forgive me for laying this upon you, but keep this secret for me. That's all I ask."

She reached down and gripped her best friend's hand, almost flinching at how cold the skin was beneath her fingers. "I swear. But promise me you'll stay safe?"

There was already so much at stake, and she could tell that this war hadn't even reached its climax yet. _Stay safe. Please._

Severus nodded at her and pulled away, striding quickly down the corridor of Malfoy Manor, robes billowing determinedly behind him, and she swallowed the lump in her throat and went in the opposite direction, towards the room where Draco was sleeping.

_If_ he found out, she reassured herself. Not _when_. He couldn't find out. He mustn't. But it felt like a shout into an empty void, the last gasps of a drowning man.

_Stay safe._ Narcissa pulled her robe tighter around herself, attempting to keep out the chill invading her spine, and walked a bit faster.

_XXXXXXXX_

"Draco is a _child,_" Narcissa fretted, pacing in front of the fireplace, where Severus's head bobbed amidst the enchanted green flames. "He _can't_ kill Dumbledore. He shouldn't have to."

It was partly because of her, she thought bitterly, the memory of the Dark Lord in their home bringing a sour tang to her mouth. But there was no point in thinking about the past. One could only try their best now. Even if they were doomed to fail.

"I will keep him safe," Severus replied, tone flat.

"I know. You need to keep safe too," she said, repeating her plea from the first secret meeting in the hallway. "Promise?"

Severus's eyes flicked down.

"Yes."

The fire fizzled out, nearly taking the last shred of Narcissa's hope with it.

_XXXXXXXX_

He broke his promise, Narcissa thought angrily, fighting to keep the heat in her eyes from spilling over lest it show in the form of tears on her face.

He'd promised to stay safe. She'd promised not to tell. He probably hadn't known it, but that promise had meant just as much as the Vow he'd make to protect her son.

And he'd broken it.

_You're being unreasonable. You think he didn't try?_

But what was the point of trying if you still failed?

Quietly, she made her way over to where the boy lay in a nest of leaves, his round-rimmed glasses wildly askew.

She knelt beside him, considering for the final time the idea that had bloomed from the stubborn seed of hope that she'd kept in her heart the entire time.

_But think of Draco,_ she thought. _If the Dark Lord finds out, he will show you no mercy. He will show _your son _no mercy._

Severus's voice cut into her mind, the memory of that day in the corridor surfacing like a mermaid swimming languidly to a lagoon's shore.

_If you never try, you'll never know. _

She leaned over the boy, glad for the thick curtain that her long hair formed.

"Is Draco alive? Is he in the castle?"

A precarious silence filled the air, sending snakes of worry hissing down the back of her neck.

Then, a flicker of ebony eyelashes, and a whisper of breath.

"_Yes,_" said Harry, his lips barely moving.

She turned to face the expectant Death Eaters, keeping her emotions at bay for later. She had tried.

And she knew now.

"He is dead!" she proclaimed, and the air filled with cheers.

**_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_**

House: Ravenclaw

Year: 3

Category: Drabble

Prompt: [Speech] "If you never try, you'll never know."

Word Count: 941


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